Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Just Hours to Go!

I know that I have not posted a real post in a couple weeks now and that is mostly because of the fact that between finals and the holidays it was extremely busy on my end of things and I was just trying to keep my head above water right then. I have returned and I hope to start posting more regularily again, as things have calmed down and I am starting to have quite a few developments in the AB part of my life. So for everyone that is been reading my blog and checking it in my absence, thank you so much for your support!

Big Night Tonight:

Well its currently just after 6:30 on the December 26th, 2012 and I am only a few hours away from what I think is likely going to be a life changing evening for me. As I am writing this my daddy is on a flight to come visit me and some other brothers that live in my area. I am finally taking the leap tonight and its really happening this time, I am going to have my first experience with being really babied and even more importanly being diapered with Daddy and my brother Keebs. I would be lying if I said that I didn't have a good sprawl of emotions running through my mind right now. If I had to break down what I am feeling at this exact moment it would be:

15% Anxiousness
35% Nervousness
50% Excitement

Its crazy to think that after discovering my interest in diapers around eight years ago that I going to have only my 2nd diaper experience with another person tonight. That has been eight solid years of worrying, fearing, and rejecting my love for diapers and being an AB that is ingrained in me. Beyond being excited to hangout with Daddy and my brother, I am also super excited to finally be able to make a decision about my AB after this experience, having the proper perspective to really decide what I want. 

Over the eight years like I mentioned before it has been a rollercoast of thoughts and ideas about my own inclinations to wear diapers and be an AB. I think its been pretty clear through my past posts that I have had plenty of experiences wearing diapers but it has always been by myself. Its awesome to know that after tonight I will be able to finally say that I have been babied before and hung out with other people while diapered. For most people these are little accomplishments, but for me this is really one of the biggest accomplishments that I have had with my AB side in a long long time.

Also for my eager readers (If there are any) keep checking the blog over the next few days because I am hoping to have lots of pictures and updates about tonight on the blog over the next few days!

Monday, December 24, 2012

Post-Holiday Information:

I know that it has been some time since my last post on the blog but I wanted to go ahead and clear the air on a few things real quick.

1. Happy Holidays everyone! - Hope everyone has a fantastic holiday and can manage to deal with all those crazy in-laws.

2. Blog Posts - Sorry for the delay on a lot of blog posts but there will be more starting after Christmas once things calm down a little bit!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Update on Winter Break Plans:

Well with only ten short days until I leave school for winter break and preparations being made pretty soon for my plans for break, I figure that I owned everyone an update on whats going on with it!

Diaper Reviews:

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I will be taking some time over break to purchase a few sample packs of diapers and giving them a personal review. This is still on as planned, and I am getting ready to order the sample pack next week. Luckily with it being the holiday season and it not being so uncommon for me to receive sensitive packages to my home that my parents can't look through, I will be placing the order next week and having them shipped to my home.

The final decision on what I am going to get is:

AB Universe Ultra Sample Pack

As I mentioned previously this is a bargain and comes with a selection of 10 different types of diapers and 2 different types of diaper boosters that I will be giving a shot. With this package being only $16.95 before shipping & handling it is easily the best diaper sample pack that I could find on the market.


I had mentioned previously that I was going to try and get sample packs also from Bambinos and Star Diapers, however after really looking into the expense I realized that it was not cost efficient to purchase their sample packs. However, I think that 12 diapers is plenty of a start for the reviews.


Plans:

I have a couple different things planned for break but the most important being that I am going to be trying to hangout with several of my diaper brothers while I am home and also possibly with my daddy if he has time. I am really excited to be able to hangout with all my diaper family members and really be able to finally sit down in a nice thick diaper without constantly being looking over my shoulder, hoping that my parents or siblings are not going to catch me in the act. Not to mention this will be my 2nd time that I have ever hung out with another person while diapered, and this time I might not be the only one diapered!

My other big plan is to try and expand my comfort zone just a little bit by starting to wear diapers under my clothes while I am out and about. Now I am going to take this one step at a time but I am going to buy a pack of Goodnites and wear them while I am out getting things done over break. The reason that I am wearing the Goodnites are because they are a thin diaper that really won't show through my clothes. Depending on how bold that I am feeling, I may also try to even wet them while I am on the move and just start to really expand my horizons and comfort level. I know to many this people this sounds like a absolute joke, but for me this really is a big step & something that I have never felt comfortable doing.

Interested in Me Now?

This is going to be a really short ranty post but it has been something that has been on my mind for some time.

One of the biggest things that bothers me most about the ABDL community is that since its largely an online thing because of it being the best way to connect we rely on websites to meet each other for the most part. Now the sites themselves don't bother me much, most of the sites I am on are pretty good and controlled, which I like. The thing that bothers me the most is the lack of interest people have in getting to know you until you post up a pictures! Don't get me wrong, I think that everyone needs to have a profile picture of themselves because it really bothers me when I see a stock photo of a pampers diaper as your profile picture. What I mean is that I always get a influx of messages and comments when I upload fresh pictures online and as soon as the train of new pictures stops coming...well then no one gives two shits about talking to you.

Now I will be the first to admit that I enjoy taking and posting diaper pictures, its a creative output for me, but I hate that people only care to get to know me since I am putting up pictures. To me it really tells me that you are not genuinely interested in getting to know me, you just want to see how many pictures of me you can collect up. I like to talk to others online because we have the common interests of diapers, and the only place that I get to share that part of my life is online with the ABDL community, so I want to actually get to know each other and form a friendship. I find it very insulting when someone messages me and starts to talk to me...and then abruptly stops responding once I tell them that I don't have any other pictures to share then the ones that are already displayed online.


Well thats enough ranting for now but I think that everyone gets my point!


Thanks for reading and feel free to hit me up with feedback or if you just want to get to know me!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

A Quick Post Before Bed:

Its almost five am right now and I just had something on my mind that I needed to write down before forgot or it wasn't as fresh in my mind. Its been a strange weekend and really last few months for me, ive really come into my own with my diaper side or at least gotten better. This can easily be accounted to the fantastic family that I have come into, and all the really supportive people that are apart of it. No need for me to drop specific names but they know who they are. Its really been expanding for me and I am excited for all the great opportunities and learning experiences that I have coming in the future because of these great people.

Anyways this is a really short post but seeing as it is so late and I am exhausted...I figure its best to stop before I come off as a bumbling idiot.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Endlessly Excited:

This entire past week was honestly one of the most difficult that I have had all year so far. The craziest of finals has truly set in and the amount of sleep I got this week is not something that I am particularly happy/proud about. Even with all of those things being put onto my plate I am still each day getting to be more and more excited for break to finally be here. Now I am excited for your obvious college student reasons like, sleeping in my own bed, eating at any hours of the night, and seeing my family but there is more to my excitement then that. I talked earlier on my blog about how I am going to take advantage of this extended break and that I am going to get some sample packs of diapers & give them each a shot/review.

To add to that I have been relentlessly talking to my brothers, and am excited by the fact that I am likely going to finally be able to spend time with some of them finally. Ive been talking to many of my brothers for months now and others I have just met but regardless all around I am excited to finally make the off-line connection with these awesome guys. I have been in and out of the ABDL community for the last eight years and something that I have learned in those years is that I have had a much easier time accepting my ABDL side once I have that personal connection. Its never really occurred to me before now except with one other individual.

One of the most exciting things for me about break is the fact that I will finally be offered the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and try to really give some new things a shot. By that I mean really get out there and experience what it is really like to actually enjoy my diaper side and not constantly be looking over my shoulder about it. I am really hoping that after this break and getting to finally experience a good situation of diapers that I will leave feeling more confident about my AB side.

Regardless the Countdown begins....15 days.

Reversal of Roles:

So I think that I have made it pretty clear but I suppose it never hurts to say it again, I am very clearly an AB interested in being more specifically in the toddler end of it. Its always been my main focus of the ageplay element to be the baby side of the relationship. However, like everything there is always another side to it.

Big Bro/Daddy:

I would gladly like to try and experience what it is like to be the caretaker not just the baby in the relationship. Its a entirely different experience then being the baby because you are really trying the more dominant side of things. Not to mention you are taking up the responsibility and caring side of things. The ability to take someone else and really get them down to their little side is very special to me. You are really hold that person in a very emotionally sensitive state, in which they are really depending on you to nurture and protect them. 

As much as I love to be on the receiving end of the babying, I imagine that laying a little guy down and putting a nice thick diaper on him and then feeding him a bottle while he lays across my lap & drinks a bottle would really be a magical experience. Being able to provide that kind of experience to me is really a very amazing to do for everyone.

Don't get me wrong though, I honestly believe that doing this is a lot more complicated then just deciding one day that you want to be a caretaker. Like most things, practice makes perfect if you ask me. Its not as simple as just being able to really be good at getting someone to feel comfortable enough to be willing to let their inhibitions to go away and sink into their little side. 

Needless to say some day I hope to have the opportunity to get to try this and maybe even have a big brother mentor and teach me the way to do it best!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Gonna Study my Diaper Off:

Well its that time of year for College students everywhere, finals time. With the semester coming to a close in a little less then three weeks, college students everywhere are stocking up on energy drinks and coffee to make that final grind that is needed to finish up strong in their semester. I am no different, spending nights in the library until 2:00am or later, just wishing that it would be over already. Now I don't know if I have ever clarified this on the blog before but I am a freshman in college, so this is my first set of finals that I will be experiencing. If there is one thing that I can say about finals its that they...........SUCK! Starting yesterday I started spending everyone moment that I was not in class, in the library.

Now I am fortunate because this semester only two of my classes have actual test based finals, but my other classes (and even some of the ones with finals) have big projects and papers that are due in the next week and half. I have written more papers in the last two days then I usually do in a 6 week period and I am exhausted. Sleeping is becoming rare already, and stress levels are already rising. With all of this going on all I can think is how much more comfortable and relaxed I would be if I could just put on a nice thick diaper and toss a pacifier in my mouth while I work on these big projects. Unfortunately, with being a freshman I live in a dorm and share a room with a friend of mine but it isn't the type of situation that allows me to wear openly or really at all.

On a more positive note I keep encouraging myself to keep working and not to procrastinate by telling myself that I will get to reward myself with a nice pack of diapers and maybe even a paci if I work hard and get through these next few weeks.

I was just thinking about how convenient it would be to be able to wear diapers while you study! I am a big drinker, so while I am studying I usually will drink several water bottles, a energy drink or two which means that bathroom breaks are something that interrupts my studying far too often. If I was able to wear diapers while I study then I would be able to just power through and only have to stop every few hours (depending on the type of diaper) for a change!

Anyways, to all my fellow swamped college students, Happy Studying and Good Luck!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Plans for the Upcoming Break

I am finding myself back in my dorm room while I am writing this after spending the last five days on break at home. Its a tad bit bittersweet being back at school because while its nice to return to my domain of freedom and only having to be held accountable for things by myself, but we are now into the time for finals and getting down to business. These next three weeks before the end of the semester are going to be a living hell and extremely busy. Anyways, as a way of giving myself some incentive to really work hard through these next few weeks I have made some plans for break that will hopefully be really enjoyable.

The Plan

So with being home for an extended period of time and it being the holiday season, there is going to be plenty of free time and privacy at nights to enjoy. Knowing this I have decided to purchase a few sample packs of diaper and do a series of personal reviews on the different diapers here on the blog. While this is not a original idea and I am in no way a diaper expert, its a good reason to purchase a few times and give them a whirl. With it being the holiday season for once I can have an excuse to have several packages come to the house in which my parents are not going to be allowed to open. The excuse of them being gifts for the family is always a good one.

Anyways I have already planned out a few brands to give a shot and here are the ones I am planning on:
Bolded Diapers I have tried Previously

This is the AB Universe Ultra Sample Pack ($16.95)
and 
it includes:

ABU Cushies
ABU Cushies w/ Cloth Covers
Super Dri Kids
Abena Abri-Form X-Plus w/ Plastic Covers
Unique Wellness Briefs
Tranquility ATN Diapers
ABU Classic Diaper
Attends Waistband Brief
Molicare Super Plus Brief
Assure Brief
ABU Regular and Ultra Doubles

I am excited about this pack in particular because there is a huge number of diapers in this pack and it will really allow me to experience a large variety of these diapers for a very good price. 


Bambino Bellissimo ($8.00 for 2)

I have always heard good things about these diapers and unfortunately Bambino doesn't offer a small sample pack like AB Universe. They offer a variety pack which is a minimum of 48 diapers, which  for me is simply not a viable option with having to keep them concealed at home. Not to mention, I would not likely be going through over 48 diapers in about 30 days. Anyways, these diapers are very adorable with the babyish print but I hope that they can keep up with a few good wetting and my trials.

Quality Diapers, Race Car Diaper ($10.99 for 1)

These diapers are up in the air for me, while I am really eager to give them a shot they are extremely expensive. I have heard from others that they are good but I am not sure that the price warrants the trial, with them being so outrageously priced. I will figure it out eventually and decide if I am willing to spend the money on them for that.



Eager to give these diapers a run and I figure that they will all be really fun to enjoy! Hopefully these three weeks will fly by and I will be able to get into them soon!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Over Consumption

I am in fact still alive and well, and I apologize for my recent absence for a little bit. I have had some things that I needed to figure out that were non-diaper related and getting quite busy as well. While I am on the subject, I will be in and out a lot for the next few weeks because of finals starting to come up. As much as I wish that I could push finals aside and make them wait for when its convenient for me, its not how it works.


Anyways, to the focus of this post being how consuming the ABDL community can be for me.

Being Consumed 

After discovering that I have ABDL tendencies and interests I have always been battling a few elements of these feelings, some of which I have already discussed. Well one of the issues that I have always run into is that when I come into the community and start to really feel like embracing my ABDL side that I will jump too far in. That's a sort of general description, but the what I mean is that I will start to spend all of my free time on diaper community sites or  on yahoo messenger. It gets to the point where I will find that I am ignoring other social activities with friends so that I can stay on just a little bit longer and talk to my adult baby friends rather then my normal social group outside of this fetish.

Now, typically I have never been one to really experience control based issues with hobbies or interests. While I will admit that I am a avid gamer and sometimes will commit long (long, long, long) hours to video games with little breaks, I have never had trouble prioritizing more important commitments over games. I never let homework go uncompleted or was late to work because of playing video games or other various hobbies. My ABDL interests are the first time that I have ever experience a urge to push off more important commitments in order to keep browsing diaper sites, updating my blog, or chatting with friends online.

Now I should follow that statement by the fact that I haven't allowed it to get to the point where I am not completing school work or anything over all too serious like that, mostly just been telling friends that I am not coming out that night or that I am too tired to grab dinner with them. As I have indicated in past posts, one of my biggest problems with my ABDL side is the fear that it will consume my life and that it will have to become something that I can't keep separate from my typical day to day friends and life. 

My response to this over consumption that I often feel is to back off from my ABDL side and just get away from it so that I can get those feelings to go away. One of the things that I have never really touched on with people in the diaper community or even my non-diaper related friends and family is the fact that I sometimes suffer from pretty severe panic attacks. The reason that I mention this is because when this feeling of over consumption arises it is usually followed by a pretty devastating panic attack in which I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and sometimes I literally will freeze up.

In the end, my conclusion would have to be that this is part of the reason that I have been absent but I will be back more now and posting more regularly  I expect to write another post tonight and will have some others in the next few days.

Friday, November 23, 2012

My Absence

Wanted to take a quick moment to post and let everyone know that I am in fact okay and all. I have gotten really busy with some non-diaper related things that I needed to sort out. That mixed with being in the last three weeks of my first semester, I am running around like crazy.

I hope to post a few more times soon but I don't want to make any promises, as my School Work is going to take priority over everything else for awhile.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Care package from Daddy!

Well Hurricane Sandy really threw a wrench in a lot of things and was terrible. I know that many people were really terrible thing and I want to start off first by saying that I wish everyone within the affected areas the best of luck and that we are all rooting for them!

Well yesterday I was planned to have an evening with my daddy to be babied for the first time by him and unfortunately he lives in the affected area of the hurricane so he was not able to make it. He was lucky and made it through safe though which is the most important thing. We have rescheduled for next week which is good but was still a little upsetting.

Well daddy was generous enough to send me a care package because I have the room to myself for the weekend! So I took some pictures and figured that you all may enjoy seeing them.









This is just the start and ill be taking plenty more later!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dry Spell:

So August of this year I started my freshman year of college, which was a great experience and has been a lot of fun. However, while its been awesome to experience a new social setting along with a whole different educational system as well. The one thing that has been really rough is that I have not been able to wear in a very very long time. One of the most challenging thing about moving into college has been that I live in a tiny dorm room with a roommate. Now for pretty much everything but diapers, its been great because my roommate and I were friends long before we came here so there was no awkward period in time between us.

Its been hard because since we are such good friend and have known each other for so long, we kinda just share everything. Doesn't bother me except for the fact that I can't really hide things all that effectively due to us really having no personal space. Its something that I have been working on casually establishing so that I can in the future, comfortably hide some diapers without the worries of my roommate stumbling upon them while looking for a bandana or something to borrow.


I have never been someone to wear like every single night or anything, mostly because ive never lived in a situation that would really be possible to do that. So I have developed a pretty good tolerance to not being able to wear, but after a certain point it just becomes painful. At the time of writing this blog it has been roughly 12 weeks since I have had the comfort of strapping on the warm cushie material that composes a diaper. Now while this is bothering me, I have hopes in my sights because in the next week or some I will be finally getting to meet up with my daddy again and enjoy wearing diapers for the first time in a long time.


Its strange because my situation has flip-flopped now that I have moved out of my house and into a dorm. When I was living at home still, it was possible to get and hide diapers, and then wear them at night in the privacy of my room. But when I was at home, I wasn't able to order any real diapers online because my parents have a nasty habit of "accidentally" opening my mail. Now things have flip flopped and I can order whatever I want because I have a P.O. box here at school and no one but I have access to it. But, I don't have any privacy to wear diapers at all unless the roommate is gone, which is rare.

Always an uphill battle I guess! But one worth fighting if you ask me!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Binge and Purge:

Defining the Binge and Purge:

Now for many young ABDL's they are faced with these strange new feelings about wearing and enjoying diapers, and they are confusing. Now everyone responds to these new feelings differently, and largely because I think they spring up at different times for different people. A common problem that these young people (and older people as well, just more common in young ABDL) have is that while they have these new feelings, they feel like there is something wrong with them. The desire to wear a diaper and possibly even use a diaper is something that has been ingrained in our heads as something for small children, not young adults. The problem with being a ABDL is that you have to fight those years and years of cultural stigma telling you that wearing diapers is strictly for babies, and often times you are doing this all alone.

Now often peoples response to these new and strange feelings are to dive right in and get super involved with their fetish. Buying diapers, pacifiers  bottles, and more. Once they have all these things they will wear them and start to really enjoy and use them. Eventually though the thoughts cross your mind that what you are doing is socially unacceptable, and that you need to distance yourself from these items and feelings. They will throw everything away, distance themselves from others they may have met in the community and try to push these desires from their minds.

This is the Binge and Purge cycle that far to often plagues the ABDL community members.


My Personal Battle with Binge and Purge:

Now for anyone that has read my Introduction post on my blog then you know that my journey with diapers has not been an easy one. I have struggled with my diaper feelings just as described above and some would even say that I may be worse. Now from the age that I discovered my feelings for diapers and being an adult baby, I would go through almost a very predictable cycle. I would be really into my diapers and want to start a collection of toddler things for me to play with in the privacy of my room at night. About 3-6 weeks after that I would have strong feelings of guilt and regret. I would usually in a fury of regret gather up my diapers, pacifiers, and bottle and throw them in the trash. I would disconnect from everyone that I was speaking to online and try to just focus on other things.

Now where I struggled with this was to come to the understanding that my passion for being an Adult Baby was something that I will never be able to shake. I may be able to push them to the back of my mind and only think about them eventually but it would always rise back up. My problem is that since I was always repressing my diaper side, when I would release it, it would take over my life for the time. I would be so consumed that I would spend all day, everyday online looking up diapers and checking my diaper site profiles. I wanted so bad to be able to enjoy my diaper side. The secret that I have come to realize, so that I am not afflicted by a Binge and Purge cycle again is to take it all in small amounts.

Anyways, my point being is that if you are struggling with Binge and Purge then I would say find someone in the community that you enjoy talking to. Try to build a relationship with them, if you trust them, then ask them to help you by just talking you through those feelings of guilt. Having that reassuring voice to tell you that you are not alone and that enjoying wearing diapers is okay.

Topics for blog:

Suggestions Please:

Alright so I am at a shortage of things that come to mind right now to write about so I would love to get feedback from my readers. I would love to get ideas for posts on the blog from you guys. So if you are interested in helping me out then write me at the following E-mail Address:

Toddlerboicharlie@yahoo.com

They can really be anything, and I will try to write a post for every suggestion that is sent to me. Whether you want me to tell something about myself or how I feel about something then ill answer it!

I await your suggestions!!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Intelligent & Reasonable Conversation (Rant):

So for this post I have a bit of something to rant about. I want to start it off by saying that I have no-ill feelings towards the general ABDL community and that I understand that the majority of the people within it are very intelligent and reasonable people. There are two things that people do in the community that drive me absolutely insane.

Coherent Messages:

So one thing that I have seemed to notice over the several years that I have been in the ABDL community and actively meeting/chatting with people online is that there are quite a few people out there who cannot put together a sentence for their lives. Now I am no grammatical god, and makes mistakes all the time. Hell if you go through any one of my posts I am sure that you would find at least 10 mistakes that I made when it comes to grammar. Small grammatical errors are not what bothers me, its the people who write you a message and you have to read it three times over just to start to try to understand what they were saying. Messages that come to me that are like the following drive me insane, and know that this is just an example that I have made up:
"I enjoy diaper sometime i really wish that could wear more often diapers are have been somehing that i have into sine i was like 10"

I honestly get messages like that and there is no punctuation in the least. Now in the case that I am talking to someone that is from another country, I can totally let it slide. I understand that its not their native tongue and so that makes sense to me. However, those people that were born and raised in the United States and are over the age of 12, I expect to be able to throw a period into the mix every once in awhile. I really enjoy chatting and getting to know people but it shouldn't be a task to try to figure out what you are saying everything we exchange a message.

Messages with No Depth:

I will admit that I often will write back lengthy messages to people and that they may even sometimes be too long. But on the other end of that, I try to never write back a message to someone that has written me a lengthy message with a response like "yeah, I like them too". The problem I have with this is that it kills the conversation, people want to keep talking but effectively kill the conversation by not responding with anything of depth. Sending a message like that is sending back a response to a text message that only says "lol", it kills the conversation right there. I am just asking that if you really want to chat with me...well then you give me a response so that we can keep chatting. If I wanted to basically talk to myself...well then I would just talk to myself.


"Call Me or Text Me":

I have admitted in previous post that I am a pretty cautious guy when it comes to this whole community because I have a fear of being caught again (I would like to say rightfully so, due to my last bad experience). So I don't hand out my phone number like I am a marketing rep at a sales event. Now I will also admit that there are some people that I do contact via my personal phone number and they have earned my trust over...TIME. That's the key word for me there, I never give my number to someone that I don't feel like I would be comfortable meeting in person.  There are a lot of people in this community who will send this message:

"Hey,

Like your profile. Call Me - (XXX) - XXX - XXXX

~Example"

Sorry, but I am not comfortable handing out my number to someone who doesn't even bother to introduce their self to me, let alone get to know me. Ive heard many a story of being being way to trusting and handing their number out to people only to find out that the person will call and text them endlessly even if they tell them they are not interested in talking.


Conclusion:

So in conclusion I wanted to say this, I may be being a bit of an asshole but if you really are a good person and want to talk to me then please take the time to make it so I feel like I am talking to an adult and not a 4 year old. Its one thing to have a baby side that you enjoy taking part in and its another thing to come off as just plain stupid! Rant finished....

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

My First Experience:

So this post I decided would be necessary for parts of the next post that I plan to work on to really work out and makes sense to anyone that gets bored and takes the time to read my blog. I wanted to let everyone in on my first experience with another ABDL. Now if you read my first post, the one about the introductions and that tells of pretty much how and why I am the way I am today, then you know that I am very cautious and some many say even borderline overly paranoid about meeting up with others and getting too close when it comes to ABDL relationships. However, when I was 17 at one point I finally mustered up some courage and took a step in experiencing what its like to really be a AB (or TB) at the time. 

For the sake of this story and not having asked for consent of my friend to use his name in this story, my friend will be known as Scott. Scott was a fellow ABLD/Big Bro type that lived very close to me and also happened to be my same age. Over the years we have talked several times and as I came and went with my binge and purge cycles I would usually reconnect with him hoping that one day I would finally be brave enough to actually meet up with him. Well the summer of 2011, I in fact did get that courage together. After having texted, e-mailed, and chatted back and forth for quite some time, Scott and I decided that we should meet up at a mutual public location and talk to each other about the possibility of hanging out sometime, diapers included. Like any overly cautious, and borderline paranoid person would do I had to make sure that the location was public and so we met at a local shopping center that was always chaulk full of people going about their business. When that day finally came that we were meeting I was losing my mind, I had just gotten off of work and so I was tired already but so excited to finally really meet Scott face to face for the first time. So I drove to the shopping center and waited in my car for a minute, completing those last steps of mental preparation that I needed for myself. I texted Scott and then when we were both their we met outside of the starbucks. Neither of us were all that interested in actually getting coffee so we talked causally for a few minutes and then decided to find somewhere more private to talk so that we could discuss freely about diapers, teen babies, and just all around being part of the ABDL community. The rest of this part of the story is really nothing exciting, we talked and then concluded that at the first opportunity that we were both comfortable with we would have a "play date".

We jump forward a week or two and the opportunity arose. My family was going to be going out of town for an entire week and a half to the beach but I couldn't/didn't want to go because of work. So once everything was in the all clear I got in contact with Scott and we arranged to hangout that coming Thursday night. Like any reckless teenager, I saw the opportunity and grabbed it by the horns. My mom had left me $60 for food and I decided to re-purpose this money for something I saw to be a lot  more exciting. So after a few days of just talking back and forth and getting even more excited, Thursday finally was up upon us. That day after I got off work, Scott and I met up at a local grocery store so that supplies for our play date could be collected. Now I have to admit that I kinda pussed out right here, I was so nervous/excited that I couldn't get myself to go in and buy the supplies myself. Scott was a much more experienced individual in this department. So I handed him the money and he went in and got everything that he saw fit for that night. Now I knew that he was not going to wear with me that night because a lot of his interests at the time laid with being a big brother figure opposed to actually being diapered. Scott emerged from the store, bags in hand teaming with all sorts of goodies that were making my heart beat faster and faster without even having seen them yet. We loaded the spoils into the car and Scott followed me in his car the short distance down the road to my house. Upon arrival we collected our things and headed into the house, going directly up to my room.

Once we got to my room, we started to talk about exactly what we wanted to do that night and what scenario we wanted to play out. Scott suggested a very fun scene that had me as his pre-teen younger brother who was having trouble keeping my pants dry and mess free, thus resulting in my big brother (being Scott) putting me back into diapers and treating me as a baby for punishment. This sounded like a blast to me but I also was not going to be picky either. From there, we started things off and started to role play. I was told that I had been a bad boy and was acting like a baby by wetting my pants all the time. Scott then stripped me down and put me over his knee and started my punishment out with a good solid spanking and corner time. This was new to me and something that I had never really thought about before. Scott was a big proponent of spanking and I was willing to try it out. In the end it was a little much for my first experience but has actually influenced me to love spankings now today. After my bottom was nice and cherry red, Scott hoistened me up onto the changing table (my dresser with everything cleared off the top and some towels laid down and slipped on my first diaper for the night. We were using goodnites with baby diapers as stuffers, was not a good way to get a real diaper and I am a pretty slender kid so if its not a size small, then it would have been wearing the baggy jean equivalent of diapers. I couldn't help put have a large boner when Scott went to diaper me which was pretty embarrassing  I tried to half heartedly apologize but Scott was unphased. He had diapered up a few boys before me and knew what to expect from this. After I calmed down a bit my diapers were hoisted up and I was led upstairs by the hand with a pacifier in my mouth, wearing nothing but a diaper, a t-shirt, and some socks. 

I was already having the time of my life and things were only getting started. I was instructed by big bro that I was to use my diaper, there would be no more potty for little baby boys like me. I immediently started to fit into my role and started to whine about not being able to use the potty until the threat of another spanking was put into play and I peed my diaper on the spot for the first time. The feeling of warm urine soaking into a diaper was not a new one to me but doing it in front of another person was, it was strange. I at first had a wave of embarrassment go through my body until I remembered that for once, he was like me. He understood the comfort and fun that can come from really enjoying a diaper. This new and foreign feeling of acceptance started to wash over me. This is what I had been desiring to finally have in my life for 5 years at the time. Big brother was not going to miss a beat and put me into the pack n' play that I had set up earlier with a teddy bear and a pacifier. He turned on the TV and sat on the coach for a moment while I played and enjoyed my diaper. I had continued to wet it, and anyone that has ever worn and used a goodnite knows that they can take about one good wetting before they are really in need of a change. Well I was somehow stretching that rule and had wet it twice by the time I was done playing in the pack n' play, so far the leaks seemed to be little to none. Big brother decided that it was time for me to have a bottle and so he got one prepared while I was in the pack and play and came back up stairs. He collected me from my playing and had me sit on his knee and bounced me up and down while I was instructed to drink down the whole bottle. I knew that if I didn't listen that my already sore bum would end up being cherry red and hot like the sun. I followed the instructions and downed the bottle thinking that I had done good. Big brother decided after the first bottle that a baby boy of my size needed another in order to be properly hydrated. He prepared another while I waited on the coach in my soaked goodnite that was already at about to burst at the seems. Once he returned, we went back to the same situation as before, me drinking a bottle while I was bounced on his knee. I got caught up in what I was doing and decided to let out another small pee into my diaper forgetting that it was already soaked. Without skipping a beat, I peed and the diaper leaked getting a small but growing spot on my brothers pant leg. 

I figure at this point that I was in trouble but big brother simply had me finish the bottle and then set me up at a kiddy desk to color while he got cleaned up. He seemed unphased by the whole thing, which to me was a spectacular event. Once he arrived back, I saw told to stand up and listen to him. He slipped my paci into my mouth and I started to suck away at it, enjoying every last moment of that soft pacifier nipple in my mouth. I was told that I am expected to poop in my diapers. Big brother put me into a corner facing the wall and told me that I could not move until I pooped. I tried and tried but with no luck so big brother decided it was time for a little encouragement. He came up behind me and gave me about 5 very solid swats to the already sore bum and then I was motivated. I finally pushed put a little poop into my diaper and told big brother. He told me that he was proud and that it was about time to get my little diaper but into a fresh diaper. He walked me down stairs patting my diapered butt as we went, squishing my wet and messy diaper up against my skin. Ny the time we had gotten back to my room, I had a small stream of pee running down my leg and poop smothered on my bottom.

Big brother changed me diaper and then I again had a problem with being excited. This time I decided that I needed to handle it so I took some time to myself to rub one out. This was the biggest mistake I could make at the time because I had in no way gotten a hold on my feelings of guilt that usually would occur after a orgasm. I came and then the guilt washed over my like a tsunami, all I could think was that I was doing something wrong and had to stop. That I was being a freak and that if I continued this it would ruin my life and everyone would think I was some kind of crazy person. The remainder of the story consists of me for the most part just being a giant asshole. I ended up, ending our play date and we went our separate ways. I to this day still feel terrible about this. I have apologized to Scott and we still maintain contact today.


So that's the story of my first real diaper play/age play experience.


On a additional note, I am not sure if "Scott" will ever read this but I just wanted to add a Thank You in here. Seriously, "Scott" you helped me a lot on that night and really helped me realize that I could enjoy this side of my life. I wasn't in the place that I am today with accepting myself so thats why I had a freak out but none the less you really helped me become the person I am today and opened my eyes to the reality of finally getting to experience my TB/AB side in practice.

Family

*Disclaimer - I am part of TrueDaddyBrian's family and for those of you that object or for some reason don't agree with me being Brian's boy or simply have a reason not to like Daddy Brian know that this post is about the family and so you may want to skip it.*

A Family Unit and Their Impact:

So quite some time ago I was inducted into Truedaddybrian's family of diaper boys and from that moment forward things started to change for me. Daddy immediately started to discuss my diaper feelings with me and helping me understand that there is nothing wrong with liking to wear diapers and be treated like a baby. I started to slowly come to a conclusion and remove the doubt I had about wearing and using diapers. Now in the past I have had many friends in the diaper community that have helped me fight these feelings of guilt and almost depression about my diaper side but no one has really gotten through to my quite like Daddy has.  I have come to realize that Daddy has a way of speaking to me that few others have ever been able to and because of that my life has changed with every conversation that we have had.

Daddy is not the only part of the family that has had a spectacular impact on my life, but he is the reason that I have met all the other people that have as well. After meeting daddy and speaking to him for some time he started to slowly introduce me to members of his family and two of them have had a monumental impact on me in particular. The two people that I am talking about are Ethan and Keebs. These are two guys who really deep down get me. Both of them have been there for me to talk to when I have had doubts about my diaper side and have helped me reel myself back in before I ended up starting another Binge and Purge cycle. These are two people have put up with a unbelievable amount of bullshit from me when it comes to leaving and coming back several times. Trying to get rid of my feelings for diapers, and then coming crawling back hoping that I didn't burn every single bridge that I had in the community.

To really sum it up, these are some people that are very special to me. They are the three people that have helped me hold it all together and get further in accepting myself then I have ever been before in my life.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Why Diapers?


Well too anyone involved in the ABDL community, they know that people outside of it that find out often ask themselves "Why do the like diapers? What about diapers feels good to them?". Now I think that this a complicated question that changes for each and every person that enjoys wearing diapers. There is not one great answer to that, because there are so many variations of both Adult Baby and Diaper Lover. We are a group of people that are all unique from each other in some way or interest. I figured that it would be interesting to explore for myself and try to explain to others what about diapers I love.

So I am going to break down what about diapers that I love into each section and explain it to the best of my ability. This is not something that I have previously put a whole lot of deep thought into so it will be a lot of self-exploration for this post.

Security:

The first thing that pops into my head when I ask myself, "Why do you like diapers?", is the feeling of security that they make me feel. The feeling of a the soft material of a disposable diaper hugging up around my waist and staying tightly around my little boy parts and butt makes me feel like I am in a safe place. Its not the feeling of security knowing that if I pee I wont wet my pants or that I don't have to worry about going to the bathroom. Its the feeling that everything will be alright, no matter the situation. Diapers have played a strange role in my life, they are not something that I have always been able to look onto with a positive attitude or an attitude that they are a good thing for me. But, even thought they have caused me a lot of heartache and trouble I still find myself running back to them when I am stressed or feeling anxious about things going on in my life. This is because, no matter how much I don't want to admit it, diapers make me feel safe.

Stress Free:

I will be the first to admit that I live a life riddled with stress, and that I am just a easily stressed out person. Now because I know this about myself, I have gotten very good at handling monumental amounts of stress all at once without faltering. Nevertheless, everyone has to deal with their stress eventually and somehow. Now everyone's methods for stress relief are different and so diapers/being an adult baby is mine. Now I was once told by a therapist that diapers being a stress relieving is not a damaging method but a unhealthy one. For a long time those words really stuck with me and drove me to try and cleanse myself of my desire for diapers. However, since time has passed I have come to realize that, that therapist was simply wrong. Diapers are not unhealthy way of managing stress, is it a typical method of relieving stress? No, and I understand that, that is why I do my best to keep this part of my life discrete and way from friends and family. When I put on a diaper whether it be a goodnite or cushie, I can literally just feel the stress melting away from my body. Simply being in a diaper for a hour or two, even if I don't get to regress or use it, makes me feel like a whole new person. I feel like I can take on the world after ive taken some time for myself to relieve stress by wearing a diaper.

Regression:

Now this reason for wearing a diaper is a lot less of a deep introspective based reason. Ive made it pretty clear that I am an Adult Baby and with that I like to regress to around the age of 2-3 for the most part. Well part of the whole regression to that age is diapers. For me when I have on a diaper it just instantly makes me feel little. Having a diaper on and trying to get into the head space of regression to a toddler are pretty much dependent on each other. I would have a hard time regressing if I was not padded up. Diapers for regression are usually something that will lead into a further regression and desire to act/be treated like the little toddler inside of me. The warm feeling of a wet diaper around my waist makes me have the urge to get my hands on a pacifier or a bottle and a plushie.




Introductions, They are Always Important


The Preface to it all:

So I want to start off this blog with a disclaimer/really honest moment for everyone.  In the past I have had a blog or two that I have really enjoyed writing, but I have made the mistake of setting expectations for myself and the blog way to high. So this time around I want to strictly say that I will post when I can and post really honestly.


To start out I would like to explain the title of this blog and introduce myself. For the purposes of this blog and in the diaper community, I am known as Charlie or Charlie Smith. I am in fact using a pen name and will continue to use this name.  The name of this blog comes from the fact that I have started college this fall and it has changed the diaper part of my life for sure. Now that I am stuck in a dorm room with a roommate it has made it so that it is almost impossible for me to wear at school for the time. However, I will be trying to find a good balance for this part of my life during college.


My Story:

So, I suppose that part of introductions is also telling your story, explaining how I got to where I am today.  To start I want to point out that I am the majority an Adult Baby, and while I have some Diaper Lover qualities, I am mostly involved in the AB side of things. Like many Adult Babies, my journey started with the fact that I was bed wetter from the time that I was potty trained to the time that I was around ten or eleven. Once I was around seven years old, my parents got sick of having to wash the sheets to my bed every morning along with the fact that I never got a good nights sleep due to the fact that I would toss and turn all night in a pee soaked bed. Its funny looking back on it now because when my parents initially told me that I was going to try "bed wetting underwear", I freaked out and said no. From that point though I wore them at night and hide them from siblings, friends, and even my parents who bought them for me. Once I was around age ten or eleven I stopped wetting the bed and shortly after I started to realize that I had the desire to be back into diapers and that they went further then that. I wanted to not only wear the diapers but I also wanted to be treated like a baby while wearing them. The only thing that I could think was that I was strange and a freak. I of course as a child of this century went straight to the internet and searched about these feelings that I was having. I discovered that, I was what was called a "Teen Baby". Over the years from there I slowly started to get more and more involved in diapers. I would take my tighty whiteys and stuff them with paper towels to simulate a diaper. I eventually bought diapers and wore them, but all this time I would have feelings of guilt about wearing and liking diapers. I would constantly bounce back and forth over my feelings with diapers, trying to deny that I actually liked diapers.

When I was fifteen years old, I took a unfortunate turn of events in my life in which I decided to arrange a meet with a daddy that I had been talking to for a period of 6 months or so. He was a very nice guy, who genuinely cared about trying to help me understand these feelings that I had for diapers. Well we met up and things went haywire, the rest of the details of that part of the story are honestly painful and pretty traumatizing. To sum it up, it ended in having to admit to my parents that I had these desires and me going to therapy for about a 6 month period. These were easily the worst 6 months of my life, where every single day for quite some time I was trying to decide if it was worth living anymore. Diapers, and poor choices on my part ruined my life for quite some time. In the end though, I overcame this part of my life and moved on. It left me with a lot of paranoia and feelings of uncertainty about my teen/adult baby side.

I moved on from that point and over the last 4 years that succeeded this event, I have tried to gather acceptance within myself about my adult baby side. While I would be a liar if I said that I am 100% in the clear with my diaper side, I have come a long way in understanding that while not the interest of your average joe..diapers don't hurt anyone. This blog will detail my continuing journey to find acceptance withing myself and others, along with finding a way to balance diapers into my life.