Over Consumption

I am in fact still alive and well, and I apologize for my recent absence for a little bit. I have had some things that I needed to figure out that were non-diaper related and getting quite busy as well. While I am on the subject, I will be in and out a lot for the next few weeks because of finals starting to come up. As much as I wish that I could push finals aside and make them wait for when its convenient for me, its not how it works.


Anyways, to the focus of this post being how consuming the ABDL community can be for me.

Being Consumed 

After discovering that I have ABDL tendencies and interests I have always been battling a few elements of these feelings, some of which I have already discussed. Well one of the issues that I have always run into is that when I come into the community and start to really feel like embracing my ABDL side that I will jump too far in. That's a sort of general description, but the what I mean is that I will start to spend all of my free time on diaper community sites or  on yahoo messenger. It gets to the point where I will find that I am ignoring other social activities with friends so that I can stay on just a little bit longer and talk to my adult baby friends rather then my normal social group outside of this fetish.

Now, typically I have never been one to really experience control based issues with hobbies or interests. While I will admit that I am a avid gamer and sometimes will commit long (long, long, long) hours to video games with little breaks, I have never had trouble prioritizing more important commitments over games. I never let homework go uncompleted or was late to work because of playing video games or other various hobbies. My ABDL interests are the first time that I have ever experience a urge to push off more important commitments in order to keep browsing diaper sites, updating my blog, or chatting with friends online.

Now I should follow that statement by the fact that I haven't allowed it to get to the point where I am not completing school work or anything over all too serious like that, mostly just been telling friends that I am not coming out that night or that I am too tired to grab dinner with them. As I have indicated in past posts, one of my biggest problems with my ABDL side is the fear that it will consume my life and that it will have to become something that I can't keep separate from my typical day to day friends and life. 

My response to this over consumption that I often feel is to back off from my ABDL side and just get away from it so that I can get those feelings to go away. One of the things that I have never really touched on with people in the diaper community or even my non-diaper related friends and family is the fact that I sometimes suffer from pretty severe panic attacks. The reason that I mention this is because when this feeling of over consumption arises it is usually followed by a pretty devastating panic attack in which I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and sometimes I literally will freeze up.

In the end, my conclusion would have to be that this is part of the reason that I have been absent but I will be back more now and posting more regularly  I expect to write another post tonight and will have some others in the next few days.