Endlessly Excited:

This entire past week was honestly one of the most difficult that I have had all year so far. The craziest of finals has truly set in and the amount of sleep I got this week is not something that I am particularly happy/proud about. Even with all of those things being put onto my plate I am still each day getting to be more and more excited for break to finally be here. Now I am excited for your obvious college student reasons like, sleeping in my own bed, eating at any hours of the night, and seeing my family but there is more to my excitement then that. I talked earlier on my blog about how I am going to take advantage of this extended break and that I am going to get some sample packs of diapers & give them each a shot/review.

To add to that I have been relentlessly talking to my brothers, and am excited by the fact that I am likely going to finally be able to spend time with some of them finally. Ive been talking to many of my brothers for months now and others I have just met but regardless all around I am excited to finally make the off-line connection with these awesome guys. I have been in and out of the ABDL community for the last eight years and something that I have learned in those years is that I have had a much easier time accepting my ABDL side once I have that personal connection. Its never really occurred to me before now except with one other individual.

One of the most exciting things for me about break is the fact that I will finally be offered the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and try to really give some new things a shot. By that I mean really get out there and experience what it is really like to actually enjoy my diaper side and not constantly be looking over my shoulder about it. I am really hoping that after this break and getting to finally experience a good situation of diapers that I will leave feeling more confident about my AB side.

Regardless the Countdown begins....15 days.

Reversal of Roles:

So I think that I have made it pretty clear but I suppose it never hurts to say it again, I am very clearly an AB interested in being more specifically in the toddler end of it. Its always been my main focus of the ageplay element to be the baby side of the relationship. However, like everything there is always another side to it.

Big Bro/Daddy:

I would gladly like to try and experience what it is like to be the caretaker not just the baby in the relationship. Its a entirely different experience then being the baby because you are really trying the more dominant side of things. Not to mention you are taking up the responsibility and caring side of things. The ability to take someone else and really get them down to their little side is very special to me. You are really hold that person in a very emotionally sensitive state, in which they are really depending on you to nurture and protect them. 

As much as I love to be on the receiving end of the babying, I imagine that laying a little guy down and putting a nice thick diaper on him and then feeding him a bottle while he lays across my lap & drinks a bottle would really be a magical experience. Being able to provide that kind of experience to me is really a very amazing to do for everyone.

Don't get me wrong though, I honestly believe that doing this is a lot more complicated then just deciding one day that you want to be a caretaker. Like most things, practice makes perfect if you ask me. Its not as simple as just being able to really be good at getting someone to feel comfortable enough to be willing to let their inhibitions to go away and sink into their little side. 

Needless to say some day I hope to have the opportunity to get to try this and maybe even have a big brother mentor and teach me the way to do it best!

Gonna Study my Diaper Off:

Well its that time of year for College students everywhere, finals time. With the semester coming to a close in a little less then three weeks, college students everywhere are stocking up on energy drinks and coffee to make that final grind that is needed to finish up strong in their semester. I am no different, spending nights in the library until 2:00am or later, just wishing that it would be over already. Now I don't know if I have ever clarified this on the blog before but I am a freshman in college, so this is my first set of finals that I will be experiencing. If there is one thing that I can say about finals its that they...........SUCK! Starting yesterday I started spending everyone moment that I was not in class, in the library.

Now I am fortunate because this semester only two of my classes have actual test based finals, but my other classes (and even some of the ones with finals) have big projects and papers that are due in the next week and half. I have written more papers in the last two days then I usually do in a 6 week period and I am exhausted. Sleeping is becoming rare already, and stress levels are already rising. With all of this going on all I can think is how much more comfortable and relaxed I would be if I could just put on a nice thick diaper and toss a pacifier in my mouth while I work on these big projects. Unfortunately, with being a freshman I live in a dorm and share a room with a friend of mine but it isn't the type of situation that allows me to wear openly or really at all.

On a more positive note I keep encouraging myself to keep working and not to procrastinate by telling myself that I will get to reward myself with a nice pack of diapers and maybe even a paci if I work hard and get through these next few weeks.

I was just thinking about how convenient it would be to be able to wear diapers while you study! I am a big drinker, so while I am studying I usually will drink several water bottles, a energy drink or two which means that bathroom breaks are something that interrupts my studying far too often. If I was able to wear diapers while I study then I would be able to just power through and only have to stop every few hours (depending on the type of diaper) for a change!

Anyways, to all my fellow swamped college students, Happy Studying and Good Luck!

Plans for the Upcoming Break

I am finding myself back in my dorm room while I am writing this after spending the last five days on break at home. Its a tad bit bittersweet being back at school because while its nice to return to my domain of freedom and only having to be held accountable for things by myself, but we are now into the time for finals and getting down to business. These next three weeks before the end of the semester are going to be a living hell and extremely busy. Anyways, as a way of giving myself some incentive to really work hard through these next few weeks I have made some plans for break that will hopefully be really enjoyable.

The Plan

So with being home for an extended period of time and it being the holiday season, there is going to be plenty of free time and privacy at nights to enjoy. Knowing this I have decided to purchase a few sample packs of diaper and do a series of personal reviews on the different diapers here on the blog. While this is not a original idea and I am in no way a diaper expert, its a good reason to purchase a few times and give them a whirl. With it being the holiday season for once I can have an excuse to have several packages come to the house in which my parents are not going to be allowed to open. The excuse of them being gifts for the family is always a good one.

Anyways I have already planned out a few brands to give a shot and here are the ones I am planning on:

Bolded Diapers I have tried Previously

This is the AB Universe Ultra Sample Pack ($16.95)

and 

it includes:

ABU Cushies

ABU Cushies w/ Cloth Covers

Super Dri Kids

Abena Abri-Form X-Plus w/ Plastic Covers

Unique Wellness Briefs

Tranquility ATN Diapers

ABU Classic Diaper

Attends Waistband Brief

Molicare Super Plus Brief

Assure Brief

ABU Regular and Ultra Doubles

I am excited about this pack in particular because there is a huge number of diapers in this pack and it will really allow me to experience a large variety of these diapers for a very good price. 

Bambino Bellissimo ($8.00 for 2)

I have always heard good things about these diapers and unfortunately Bambino doesn't offer a small sample pack like AB Universe. They offer a variety pack which is a minimum of 48 diapers, which  for me is simply not a viable option with having to keep them concealed at home. Not to mention, I would not likely be going through over 48 diapers in about 30 days. Anyways, these diapers are very adorable with the babyish print but I hope that they can keep up with a few good wetting and my trials.

Quality Diapers, Race Car Diaper ($10.99 for 1)

These diapers are up in the air for me, while I am really eager to give them a shot they are extremely expensive. I have heard from others that they are good but I am not sure that the price warrants the trial, with them being so outrageously priced. I will figure it out eventually and decide if I am willing to spend the money on them for that.

Eager to give these diapers a run and I figure that they will all be really fun to enjoy! Hopefully these three weeks will fly by and I will be able to get into them soon!

Over Consumption

I am in fact still alive and well, and I apologize for my recent absence for a little bit. I have had some things that I needed to figure out that were non-diaper related and getting quite busy as well. While I am on the subject, I will be in and out a lot for the next few weeks because of finals starting to come up. As much as I wish that I could push finals aside and make them wait for when its convenient for me, its not how it works.


Anyways, to the focus of this post being how consuming the ABDL community can be for me.

Being Consumed 

After discovering that I have ABDL tendencies and interests I have always been battling a few elements of these feelings, some of which I have already discussed. Well one of the issues that I have always run into is that when I come into the community and start to really feel like embracing my ABDL side that I will jump too far in. That's a sort of general description, but the what I mean is that I will start to spend all of my free time on diaper community sites or  on yahoo messenger. It gets to the point where I will find that I am ignoring other social activities with friends so that I can stay on just a little bit longer and talk to my adult baby friends rather then my normal social group outside of this fetish.

Now, typically I have never been one to really experience control based issues with hobbies or interests. While I will admit that I am a avid gamer and sometimes will commit long (long, long, long) hours to video games with little breaks, I have never had trouble prioritizing more important commitments over games. I never let homework go uncompleted or was late to work because of playing video games or other various hobbies. My ABDL interests are the first time that I have ever experience a urge to push off more important commitments in order to keep browsing diaper sites, updating my blog, or chatting with friends online.

Now I should follow that statement by the fact that I haven't allowed it to get to the point where I am not completing school work or anything over all too serious like that, mostly just been telling friends that I am not coming out that night or that I am too tired to grab dinner with them. As I have indicated in past posts, one of my biggest problems with my ABDL side is the fear that it will consume my life and that it will have to become something that I can't keep separate from my typical day to day friends and life. 

My response to this over consumption that I often feel is to back off from my ABDL side and just get away from it so that I can get those feelings to go away. One of the things that I have never really touched on with people in the diaper community or even my non-diaper related friends and family is the fact that I sometimes suffer from pretty severe panic attacks. The reason that I mention this is because when this feeling of over consumption arises it is usually followed by a pretty devastating panic attack in which I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and sometimes I literally will freeze up.

In the end, my conclusion would have to be that this is part of the reason that I have been absent but I will be back more now and posting more regularly  I expect to write another post tonight and will have some others in the next few days.

My Absence

Wanted to take a quick moment to post and let everyone know that I am in fact okay and all. I have gotten really busy with some non-diaper related things that I needed to sort out. That mixed with being in the last three weeks of my first semester, I am running around like crazy.

I hope to post a few more times soon but I don't want to make any promises, as my School Work is going to take priority over everything else for awhile.

Care package from Daddy!

Well Hurricane Sandy really threw a wrench in a lot of things and was terrible. I know that many people were really terrible thing and I want to start off first by saying that I wish everyone within the affected areas the best of luck and that we are all rooting for them!

Well yesterday I was planned to have an evening with my daddy to be babied for the first time by him and unfortunately he lives in the affected area of the hurricane so he was not able to make it. He was lucky and made it through safe though which is the most important thing. We have rescheduled for next week which is good but was still a little upsetting.

Well daddy was generous enough to send me a care package because I have the room to myself for the weekend! So I took some pictures and figured that you all may enjoy seeing them.

This is just the start and ill be taking plenty more later!