Endlessly Excited:

This entire past week was honestly one of the most difficult that I have had all year so far. The craziest of finals has truly set in and the amount of sleep I got this week is not something that I am particularly happy/proud about. Even with all of those things being put onto my plate I am still each day getting to be more and more excited for break to finally be here. Now I am excited for your obvious college student reasons like, sleeping in my own bed, eating at any hours of the night, and seeing my family but there is more to my excitement then that. I talked earlier on my blog about how I am going to take advantage of this extended break and that I am going to get some sample packs of diapers & give them each a shot/review.

To add to that I have been relentlessly talking to my brothers, and am excited by the fact that I am likely going to finally be able to spend time with some of them finally. Ive been talking to many of my brothers for months now and others I have just met but regardless all around I am excited to finally make the off-line connection with these awesome guys. I have been in and out of the ABDL community for the last eight years and something that I have learned in those years is that I have had a much easier time accepting my ABDL side once I have that personal connection. Its never really occurred to me before now except with one other individual.

One of the most exciting things for me about break is the fact that I will finally be offered the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone and try to really give some new things a shot. By that I mean really get out there and experience what it is really like to actually enjoy my diaper side and not constantly be looking over my shoulder about it. I am really hoping that after this break and getting to finally experience a good situation of diapers that I will leave feeling more confident about my AB side.

Regardless the Countdown begins....15 days.

Reversal of Roles:

So I think that I have made it pretty clear but I suppose it never hurts to say it again, I am very clearly an AB interested in being more specifically in the toddler end of it. Its always been my main focus of the ageplay element to be the baby side of the relationship. However, like everything there is always another side to it.

Big Bro/Daddy:

I would gladly like to try and experience what it is like to be the caretaker not just the baby in the relationship. Its a entirely different experience then being the baby because you are really trying the more dominant side of things. Not to mention you are taking up the responsibility and caring side of things. The ability to take someone else and really get them down to their little side is very special to me. You are really hold that person in a very emotionally sensitive state, in which they are really depending on you to nurture and protect them. 

As much as I love to be on the receiving end of the babying, I imagine that laying a little guy down and putting a nice thick diaper on him and then feeding him a bottle while he lays across my lap & drinks a bottle would really be a magical experience. Being able to provide that kind of experience to me is really a very amazing to do for everyone.

Don't get me wrong though, I honestly believe that doing this is a lot more complicated then just deciding one day that you want to be a caretaker. Like most things, practice makes perfect if you ask me. Its not as simple as just being able to really be good at getting someone to feel comfortable enough to be willing to let their inhibitions to go away and sink into their little side. 

Needless to say some day I hope to have the opportunity to get to try this and maybe even have a big brother mentor and teach me the way to do it best!

Plans for the Upcoming Break

I am finding myself back in my dorm room while I am writing this after spending the last five days on break at home. Its a tad bit bittersweet being back at school because while its nice to return to my domain of freedom and only having to be held accountable for things by myself, but we are now into the time for finals and getting down to business. These next three weeks before the end of the semester are going to be a living hell and extremely busy. Anyways, as a way of giving myself some incentive to really work hard through these next few weeks I have made some plans for break that will hopefully be really enjoyable.

The Plan

So with being home for an extended period of time and it being the holiday season, there is going to be plenty of free time and privacy at nights to enjoy. Knowing this I have decided to purchase a few sample packs of diaper and do a series of personal reviews on the different diapers here on the blog. While this is not a original idea and I am in no way a diaper expert, its a good reason to purchase a few times and give them a whirl. With it being the holiday season for once I can have an excuse to have several packages come to the house in which my parents are not going to be allowed to open. The excuse of them being gifts for the family is always a good one.

Anyways I have already planned out a few brands to give a shot and here are the ones I am planning on:

Bolded Diapers I have tried Previously

This is the AB Universe Ultra Sample Pack ($16.95)

and 

it includes:

ABU Cushies

ABU Cushies w/ Cloth Covers

Super Dri Kids

Abena Abri-Form X-Plus w/ Plastic Covers

Unique Wellness Briefs

Tranquility ATN Diapers

ABU Classic Diaper

Attends Waistband Brief

Molicare Super Plus Brief

Assure Brief

ABU Regular and Ultra Doubles

I am excited about this pack in particular because there is a huge number of diapers in this pack and it will really allow me to experience a large variety of these diapers for a very good price. 

Bambino Bellissimo ($8.00 for 2)

I have always heard good things about these diapers and unfortunately Bambino doesn't offer a small sample pack like AB Universe. They offer a variety pack which is a minimum of 48 diapers, which  for me is simply not a viable option with having to keep them concealed at home. Not to mention, I would not likely be going through over 48 diapers in about 30 days. Anyways, these diapers are very adorable with the babyish print but I hope that they can keep up with a few good wetting and my trials.

Quality Diapers, Race Car Diaper ($10.99 for 1)

These diapers are up in the air for me, while I am really eager to give them a shot they are extremely expensive. I have heard from others that they are good but I am not sure that the price warrants the trial, with them being so outrageously priced. I will figure it out eventually and decide if I am willing to spend the money on them for that.

Eager to give these diapers a run and I figure that they will all be really fun to enjoy! Hopefully these three weeks will fly by and I will be able to get into them soon!

Care package from Daddy!

Well Hurricane Sandy really threw a wrench in a lot of things and was terrible. I know that many people were really terrible thing and I want to start off first by saying that I wish everyone within the affected areas the best of luck and that we are all rooting for them!

Well yesterday I was planned to have an evening with my daddy to be babied for the first time by him and unfortunately he lives in the affected area of the hurricane so he was not able to make it. He was lucky and made it through safe though which is the most important thing. We have rescheduled for next week which is good but was still a little upsetting.

Well daddy was generous enough to send me a care package because I have the room to myself for the weekend! So I took some pictures and figured that you all may enjoy seeing them.

This is just the start and ill be taking plenty more later!

My First Experience:

So this post I decided would be necessary for parts of the next post that I plan to work on to really work out and makes sense to anyone that gets bored and takes the time to read my blog. I wanted to let everyone in on my first experience with another ABDL. Now if you read my first post, the one about the introductions and that tells of pretty much how and why I am the way I am today, then you know that I am very cautious and some many say even borderline overly paranoid about meeting up with others and getting too close when it comes to ABDL relationships. However, when I was 17 at one point I finally mustered up some courage and took a step in experiencing what its like to really be a AB (or TB) at the time. 

For the sake of this story and not having asked for consent of my friend to use his name in this story, my friend will be known as Scott. Scott was a fellow ABLD/Big Bro type that lived very close to me and also happened to be my same age. Over the years we have talked several times and as I came and went with my binge and purge cycles I would usually reconnect with him hoping that one day I would finally be brave enough to actually meet up with him. Well the summer of 2011, I in fact did get that courage together. After having texted, e-mailed, and chatted back and forth for quite some time, Scott and I decided that we should meet up at a mutual public location and talk to each other about the possibility of hanging out sometime, diapers included. Like any overly cautious, and borderline paranoid person would do I had to make sure that the location was public and so we met at a local shopping center that was always chaulk full of people going about their business. When that day finally came that we were meeting I was losing my mind, I had just gotten off of work and so I was tired already but so excited to finally really meet Scott face to face for the first time. So I drove to the shopping center and waited in my car for a minute, completing those last steps of mental preparation that I needed for myself. I texted Scott and then when we were both their we met outside of the starbucks. Neither of us were all that interested in actually getting coffee so we talked causally for a few minutes and then decided to find somewhere more private to talk so that we could discuss freely about diapers, teen babies, and just all around being part of the ABDL community. The rest of this part of the story is really nothing exciting, we talked and then concluded that at the first opportunity that we were both comfortable with we would have a "play date".

We jump forward a week or two and the opportunity arose. My family was going to be going out of town for an entire week and a half to the beach but I couldn't/didn't want to go because of work. So once everything was in the all clear I got in contact with Scott and we arranged to hangout that coming Thursday night. Like any reckless teenager, I saw the opportunity and grabbed it by the horns. My mom had left me $60 for food and I decided to re-purpose this money for something I saw to be a lot  more exciting. So after a few days of just talking back and forth and getting even more excited, Thursday finally was up upon us. That day after I got off work, Scott and I met up at a local grocery store so that supplies for our play date could be collected. Now I have to admit that I kinda pussed out right here, I was so nervous/excited that I couldn't get myself to go in and buy the supplies myself. Scott was a much more experienced individual in this department. So I handed him the money and he went in and got everything that he saw fit for that night. Now I knew that he was not going to wear with me that night because a lot of his interests at the time laid with being a big brother figure opposed to actually being diapered. Scott emerged from the store, bags in hand teaming with all sorts of goodies that were making my heart beat faster and faster without even having seen them yet. We loaded the spoils into the car and Scott followed me in his car the short distance down the road to my house. Upon arrival we collected our things and headed into the house, going directly up to my room.

Once we got to my room, we started to talk about exactly what we wanted to do that night and what scenario we wanted to play out. Scott suggested a very fun scene that had me as his pre-teen younger brother who was having trouble keeping my pants dry and mess free, thus resulting in my big brother (being Scott) putting me back into diapers and treating me as a baby for punishment. This sounded like a blast to me but I also was not going to be picky either. From there, we started things off and started to role play. I was told that I had been a bad boy and was acting like a baby by wetting my pants all the time. Scott then stripped me down and put me over his knee and started my punishment out with a good solid spanking and corner time. This was new to me and something that I had never really thought about before. Scott was a big proponent of spanking and I was willing to try it out. In the end it was a little much for my first experience but has actually influenced me to love spankings now today. After my bottom was nice and cherry red, Scott hoistened me up onto the changing table (my dresser with everything cleared off the top and some towels laid down and slipped on my first diaper for the night. We were using goodnites with baby diapers as stuffers, was not a good way to get a real diaper and I am a pretty slender kid so if its not a size small, then it would have been wearing the baggy jean equivalent of diapers. I couldn't help put have a large boner when Scott went to diaper me which was pretty embarrassing  I tried to half heartedly apologize but Scott was unphased. He had diapered up a few boys before me and knew what to expect from this. After I calmed down a bit my diapers were hoisted up and I was led upstairs by the hand with a pacifier in my mouth, wearing nothing but a diaper, a t-shirt, and some socks. 

I was already having the time of my life and things were only getting started. I was instructed by big bro that I was to use my diaper, there would be no more potty for little baby boys like me. I immediently started to fit into my role and started to whine about not being able to use the potty until the threat of another spanking was put into play and I peed my diaper on the spot for the first time. The feeling of warm urine soaking into a diaper was not a new one to me but doing it in front of another person was, it was strange. I at first had a wave of embarrassment go through my body until I remembered that for once, he was like me. He understood the comfort and fun that can come from really enjoying a diaper. This new and foreign feeling of acceptance started to wash over me. This is what I had been desiring to finally have in my life for 5 years at the time. Big brother was not going to miss a beat and put me into the pack n' play that I had set up earlier with a teddy bear and a pacifier. He turned on the TV and sat on the coach for a moment while I played and enjoyed my diaper. I had continued to wet it, and anyone that has ever worn and used a goodnite knows that they can take about one good wetting before they are really in need of a change. Well I was somehow stretching that rule and had wet it twice by the time I was done playing in the pack n' play, so far the leaks seemed to be little to none. Big brother decided that it was time for me to have a bottle and so he got one prepared while I was in the pack and play and came back up stairs. He collected me from my playing and had me sit on his knee and bounced me up and down while I was instructed to drink down the whole bottle. I knew that if I didn't listen that my already sore bum would end up being cherry red and hot like the sun. I followed the instructions and downed the bottle thinking that I had done good. Big brother decided after the first bottle that a baby boy of my size needed another in order to be properly hydrated. He prepared another while I waited on the coach in my soaked goodnite that was already at about to burst at the seems. Once he returned, we went back to the same situation as before, me drinking a bottle while I was bounced on his knee. I got caught up in what I was doing and decided to let out another small pee into my diaper forgetting that it was already soaked. Without skipping a beat, I peed and the diaper leaked getting a small but growing spot on my brothers pant leg. 

I figure at this point that I was in trouble but big brother simply had me finish the bottle and then set me up at a kiddy desk to color while he got cleaned up. He seemed unphased by the whole thing, which to me was a spectacular event. Once he arrived back, I saw told to stand up and listen to him. He slipped my paci into my mouth and I started to suck away at it, enjoying every last moment of that soft pacifier nipple in my mouth. I was told that I am expected to poop in my diapers. Big brother put me into a corner facing the wall and told me that I could not move until I pooped. I tried and tried but with no luck so big brother decided it was time for a little encouragement. He came up behind me and gave me about 5 very solid swats to the already sore bum and then I was motivated. I finally pushed put a little poop into my diaper and told big brother. He told me that he was proud and that it was about time to get my little diaper but into a fresh diaper. He walked me down stairs patting my diapered butt as we went, squishing my wet and messy diaper up against my skin. Ny the time we had gotten back to my room, I had a small stream of pee running down my leg and poop smothered on my bottom.

Big brother changed me diaper and then I again had a problem with being excited. This time I decided that I needed to handle it so I took some time to myself to rub one out. This was the biggest mistake I could make at the time because I had in no way gotten a hold on my feelings of guilt that usually would occur after a orgasm. I came and then the guilt washed over my like a tsunami, all I could think was that I was doing something wrong and had to stop. That I was being a freak and that if I continued this it would ruin my life and everyone would think I was some kind of crazy person. The remainder of the story consists of me for the most part just being a giant asshole. I ended up, ending our play date and we went our separate ways. I to this day still feel terrible about this. I have apologized to Scott and we still maintain contact today.

So that's the story of my first real diaper play/age play experience.

On a additional note, I am not sure if "Scott" will ever read this but I just wanted to add a Thank You in here. Seriously, "Scott" you helped me a lot on that night and really helped me realize that I could enjoy this side of my life. I wasn't in the place that I am today with accepting myself so thats why I had a freak out but none the less you really helped me become the person I am today and opened my eyes to the reality of finally getting to experience my TB/AB side in practice.